Some of you may remember the previous post (here) titled "To Kinder or Not To Kinder", regarding our decision to enroll Ella for early entrance to Kindergarten. Today marked the end of the first 30 days of school!!! Can't believe how fast that went by! The first thirty days have been bumpy at times and great at times. She has adjusted fairly well overall. There were signs she was intimidated, nervous and sad. So we were nervous for her but hopeful and well aware that MANY kids have these feelings regarding Kindergarten. For those of you that are following along with us on this journey, or contemplating testing your own kids early, I am going to keep updating with how it is going, (good or bad). So here is our first update :)
Week One
It was hard to know how the first week was going, cause Ella was overwhelmed and tired at the end of the day and fairly tight lipped about everything. The 3rd day of school I got an email from the teacher. I was a little thrown and emotional and way over-reacted. Mostly because the teacher's email stated she has never in 10 years of teaching contacted a parent in the first week of school due to a child's behavior. I immediately started panicking wondering WHAT on Earth did Ella do that was so bad?? And I was immediately second guessing our decision to enroll her early and panicking that they may kick her out (Early entrance kids are all on a 30 day "probationary period"), and worrying about what getting kicked out would do to her emotionally and to her self esteem. But maybe she wasn't ready after all to start Kindergarten? This was a real LOW in our Kindergarten journey, and it was only DAY 3!!! So I was scared and nervous for our meeting but MUCH to my relief, she told me she only contacted me because she threatened to and she felt like she needed to follow through. I was also VERY much relieved to find out this was regarding some not so serious behavior issues that were normal for her age, and normal for a child who is at a new school with a new teacher and new classmates. Teacher was confident she could handle it. I asked her if she thought we made a mistake putting Ella in Kinder early and she told us she believed Ella was where she needed to be. Mommy was feeling much better. (Although I was racked with guilt that I had so over-reacted to the teachers email and wished I could go back and not have Ella see me so upset and emotional with anxiety and fear. I hoped so bad that I did not add any more anxiety and stress to her little shoulders) sigh...
Week Two and Week Three
The second week of school they started a happy gram system. If your child had a good day and listens to the teacher they get to take a happy gram home to their parents. If they have a bad listening day they take home an uh-oh gram. The uh-oh gram explains to parents what the child did wrong. We KNOW that Ella is a VERY stubborn and STRONG willed child and that she can be difficult and TEST limits and PUSH boundaries more so than most kids (even though she normally didn't do it at school only at home). So we were thrilled when each week Ella was coming home with 4 Happy Grams and only 1 Uh-oh gram. The Uh-Ohs were never anything serious (even still we took them seriously at home). So because of how she can be, AND because she is the youngest kid in the class, we were feeling proud of her that she was doing as well as she was, considering it was still only THE FIRST MONTH OF SCHOOL. So YEAH... way to go Ella!!! That was a high for us!! :)
Week Four
We were hopeful that Ella would have a perfect 5 happy gram week pretty soon. But on Monday an Uh-Oh gram came home that I thought was pretty serious. Ella had a real bad day and had to be removed from the classroom twice to go to time out in a "buddy room" next door. I felt so awful for the teacher when she called and told me that Ella had been disrespectful and hurtful to her and some classmates. I was embarrassed and apologetic and upset at Ella who knows better then to act that way. But we reached another low when the teacher told me Ella was still not doing that well in her class. We were surprised cause we had been so proud that Ella was having 4 good days a week out of 5. The teacher wasn't as confident as she was the first week (when I met with her) that she would have Ella's behavior under control by the end of the month. She also no longer thought some of Ella's behavior was "normal" for week 4 of school. This brought back all the fear and anxiety that I felt that first week. I was panicking and emotional again!! Again I was questioning our decision to put her in Kindergarten early, wondering if she was going to be kicked out, and wondering if she would be better off in her old school for Kindergarten. Again I asked and the teacher told me she STILL believed Ella belonged in Kindergarten and that we could continue to partner with each other to "try" to avoid her being kicked out of the program. We exchanged suggestions and ideas for both at home and school and were determined to make her last 9 days of her "probationary period" successful ones. The rest of week four she came home with Happy Grams all 4 days, and we were there with lots of hugs and encouragement and positive reinforcement :) Another high for us!! YEAH ELLA!!
Week Five
So far this week Ella has not come home with any Uh-oh grams in her bag. Which I thought strange cause I was expecting her to come home with one yesterday after I saw her sitting in time out in the hallway outside her classroom while I was in an Art Masterpiece meeting. But perhaps she was good the rest of the day and the teacher thought her behavior merited the time out, but not for her to need an uh-oh to go home. Tomorrow is Friday and hopefully there will be a happy gram in her bag. She has yet to not get a happy gram on a Friday. But really, who doesn't love Fridays??? ;)
So WHERE are we now???
After discussing it for hours and trying to determine what was ultimately best for our child, we decided to let the entire 30 day probationary period go by before we made any decisions. If her behavior got worse and she was being removed repeatedly from class for being disruptive, or if she was getting 3, 4, or 5 uh-oh grams a week, we were prepared to take action and meet with the school to see if they thought it best for us to wait till next year. If she is not ready, then she is not ready. There is no shame in us putting her in early especially since we did that on the advice of professional educators, not just because we were in a rush to get her out of the house all day. If we ultimately decided to give her another year at preschool then Jimmy and I realized this was nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed about, just what was best for her, and that is most important. The most difficult part about our situation NOW is three things:
1) I need to stop panicking/second guessing our decision to put her in Kindergarten early; and need to trust the educators and the professionals who are telling me they believe my child BELONGS in Kindergarten.
2) If she will require some extra attention, discipline, behavior modification, IEP etc, I have to stop feeling guilty about that. Ultimately they made the decision to accept her to the program and to keep her in it. Unless she goes drastically downhill we will continue to partner with them to help Ella succeed.
3) The nay-sayers. We knew there may be some to wag their finger and say we told you so. We know there are some that wonder why we haven't pulled her already and put her back in pre-school. (Why are we PUSHING it on her when she is "not ready".) The answer is simple... I will take the professional opinion of her teachers and principal every time over the opinions of friends.
There are many kids across Kindergarten who are having very similar or worse behavioral problems who did NOT test in early or who are closer to 6. So age is not always what causes these behavior issues. If I panic and over-react or assume we made the wrong choice and yank her out of school, I could be robbing her of a great learning opportunity and/or not giving her a chance to overcome, assimilate/adjust fully, and SUCCEED. I don't want to doubt her, I want to BELIEVE in her. We don't think a child who is having 4 good days a week out of 5 behaviorally and who is KICKING BUTT academically in the classroom, needs to be kicked out of the program or is "not ready". Apparently the school agrees with us for now. I just think she needs time, patience, love and encouragement to reduce and limit her bad days and set her up for success.
Tomorrow, we are getting away for some relaxation and some quality family time just the four of us... We will de-stress, celebrate our little one's accomplishments from this last month, have lots of laughs and love and come back on Monday to start a new month of school with a clean slate.
Stay tuned... :)
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